Never Enough
by saifai
Summary: When Spike gets his heart broken, he finds comfort in the arms of his best friend. Chapter 2 finally up!
1. Chapter 1a

Author: Saifai  
Summary: When Spike's heart gets broke, he finds comfort in the arms of his best friend.  
Pairing: A/S to begin with, but eventually X/S. Mentions B/S and S/Dru  
Notes: I'm sticking by the original idea that Angel was Spike's Sire, not Drusilla. In my world, nothing changed from canon as far as their family dynamics, except that Angel and Spike had been on again off again lovers throughout their brief time together. This story takes place during Season 7 of BtVS, but it really takes off into AU from sometime between "Beneath You" and "Selfless." Xander was the one who first found Spike. Xander never tries to get back together with Anya. The boys will have enough to worry about without having the problems of the past season to worry about, so there is no First Evil haunting them for the time being.

**Chapter One, Part A**

_Spike's POV_

It was hard to believe that after more than a century they had finally reconciled their differences. For both him and Angel, their problems had ironically risen from the same place: fear of rejection. Angel's fear was two-fold, in that he both feared that his William wouldn't accept him back into the family ensouled, and also that his family's way of life would be too much for his soul to bear.

For him, he had always feared that Angel would never love him the way that he felt he deserved. He had always battled jealousy and loathing, in equal parts, of his Sire's lovers. They were the ones that proved to him repeatedly that he would never be enough. He felt nothing but rage for him for over a century because of the relationships his own lovers had had with his Sire. He couldn't ever really place claim on anyone as his own. In one way or another, Angel would always prevent him from ever feeling secure and content in his relationships.

It wasn't until after he'd gotten his own soul that they finally were able to sit down and hold a serious conversation, something that they'd never been able to do in all their years together. Sans soul, he honestly didn't have the patience to deal with his own pain. It's amazing what 150 years of guilt will do to one's ability to deal with emotional trauma.

Oddly enough, Xander had become his rock in the months immediately following his return from Africa. He had found him in the school's basement during one of his shifts working construction at the new high school. Xander bundled his meager belongings up and took him to his home.

Xander helped him through his initial emotional crisis spurred on by his return to the real world. He ensured he fed properly. He held him at night when he would sob almost uncontrollably after waking from his nightmares. Most importantly, he was his only support when the rest of the gang all found out about his reappearance.

Xander was initially the one to encourage him to seek out Angel to work through their issues. They would have long talks with each other during the evenings alone, either watching movies on the couch or cuddling in his bed. They would discuss their lives. They would reveal their hopes, dreams, and fears. Then one night, after a lengthy argument and plenty of self-loathing, Xander felt it was time for him to face his problems.

He smiled at the memory of being dragged out to Xander's car and stuffed in the passenger seat as he drove him out to Los Angeles. Xander had not actually stayed in the room with them when they finally sat down for the long talk, but he'd been there still. He wanted to be sure that "Deadboy" didn't cause him any more pain than he was already in.

It was a long road, with many more similar meetings, but he and Angel eventually came to an understanding. After a few rough starts, he was finally able to seek Angel out on his own, often coming up to L.A. to help with any tough situations.

It was a slow process, but they became friends again, and eventually more intimate. That had come as a surprise to even him. He never expected he would ever return to his Angel's bed after all the years of pain he'd endured. How could he ever trust him again? Talking through their problems didn't ensure he wouldn't get hurt again. It only enabled him to move on from their painful past. It pushed them into a friendship, and a close one at that. Renewing his relationship with Angel after all this time though was new territory, especially considering the distinct lack of interfering significant others.

After several months of the exhausting commutes between their respective homes, Angel eventually asked him to move in the hotel with him. Much to his dismay, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was unable to separate himself from Xander. As much as he loved spending time with Angel, Xander is the one that made him feel safe. He adored the young man, and couldn't bear it if he wasn't around.

Despite the fact that while Xander was the one to encourage him to seek out Angel to hash out their problems, he was far from supportive over them resuming a romantic relationship. In fact, he was dead set against it. His relationship with Angel was the subject of many arguments. No matter how much Spike insisted that the boy didn't understand the relationship dynamics of vampire families, Xander would not let up. It warmed his long dead heart to hear Xander's vehement complaints, though he'd never tell him that.

Despite knowing that Xander cared enough to fight him over it, he ignored him. Xander warned him against it from the beginning. Spike did value his opinion, as a friend. After all, he'd been the very person to lead him back to sanity, and well on his way down the road of redemption. Nevertheless, he just couldn't resist giving his Sire another chance. He really thought that they'd both changed for the good this time.

His sire requested his presence in L.A. They'd been planning to spend time together to celebrate their one-year anniversary. Xander brought him up with the excuse that he was long overdue to visit Cordy anyway. He didn't believe the young man, but didn't argue with him. He appreciated the real reason that he was there, knowing that he'd only come along because he was sure that Angel would fuck up some how. He on the other hand had a distinct feeling that Angel had some big surprise planned for him.

It was unusually quiet in the hotel upon his arrival. Nobody was working in the office, and that honestly wasn't very unusual. He assumed Angel would have asked his staff to take the night off so that he could have time alone with his lover. He carefully made his way up the staircase, following his blood connection with Angel to track him. As he reached the first floor landing, his sensitive hearing picked up soft moans coming from down the hall. With dread, he silently stalked down the hallway to Angel's room.

The door was just barely ajar, but enough for him to find the source of the noises he'd been hearing. He pushed the door open a bit further, and froze. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. There standing at the far side the room was his lover passionately kissing the blonde Slayer. He stood their with his mouth agape as he watched them grope each other, tugging at each other's clothes.

His shock quickly turned to rage, but he tamped down hard on his instincts. He masked his face with insolent amusement, crossing his arms across his chest. He finally made his presence known by kicking the door open the rest of the way. The surprised expression on their faces as the door slammed into the adjacent wall was almost enough to make him laugh. Almost.

He really didn't trust himself to make a sound, so afraid that his rage would surface. He didn't think it would please the Powers if he ripped the heads off their precious champions. He quirked an eyebrow and waited for the fireworks to start.


	2. Chapter 1b

Notes: I rewrote what I had done

Notes: I rewrote what I had done. Chapter 1a is reposted with the new material. I still may re-do this, as I'm not sure how I'm doing with Angel's voice. He's a difficult one for me. As for Chapter 2, it will include things from Xander's POV starting from where the last chapter left off.

P.S.: I've updated the last two chapters (Chapter 1b and 2) in order to get rid of any glaring errors. More notes on the status of the story (more on the way) and the cause of the hiatus (crashed computer) in the following chapter.

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**Chapter One, Part B**

Angel took a quick step back from Buffy. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and quickly glanced at the Slayer before addressing the new arrival, "Spike! Hey, you're here early. I didn't think you'd be here until later this evening."

Spike wasn't entirely sure if Angel was aware of just how idiotic that statement was, given the obvious circumstances. His demon roared behind the bounds of his soul, struggling to lash out at the one who dared to lie to him. His eyes sparked with intensity, his smirk growing just a bit wider. Buffy's eyes widened at that, probably recognizing the danger in the look. She swallowed heavily, and then took a deep breath as if to say something. She cut off her words before they could even get out when Spike shot her a frigid glare, giving off an almost sub-sonic growl.

Spike shifted his gaze back to Angel and locked eyes with him. He relaxed his arms at his sides and took a few more steps into the room. He scanned the room for a moment, taking note of the bed in one corner, before backing up to lean against the wall next to the door. He fished a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. He dropped his lighter back into the pocket of his jacket and relaxed against the wall.

Spike took a few slow pulls of the cigarette in silence as he contemplated his next move. He wanted to see how the lovebirds would play this one out. He relaxed his features into something more innocently curious as he addressed Angel with a calm voice, "What's going on 'ere, luv?" He was proud of himself for not letting his anger slip through in his voice.

Angel for his part seemed pleased, if not still a bit wary, at the tone in his voice. He slowly approached Spike with just a hit of swagger to his step, raking his eyes up and back down his body. Spike couldn't help the shiver that ran up his spine at the heated look in his lover's eyes. His disgust at the situation was the only thing that prevented him from allowing his arousal to come through in full.

Angel stopped only inches in front of him. He brought his hands up and placed them on the wall on either side of Spike's head. He leaned in close and nuzzled his cheek for a moment before whispering in his ear, "We were waiting for you."

The cigarette slipped from Spike's fingers as Angel leaned back to look at him for a brief moment before he touched his lips to his in the softest of kisses. Spike turned his head away, not willing to bear the intimacy of the act. Angel's eyes flashed with gold at the unintentional gesture of submission. He dipped his head down to nip and kiss along the throat bared before him.

Spike couldn't suppress the moan that erupted. He brought a hand up to cradle his Sire's head, wanting to keep his mouth to his neck. He closed his eyes and almost wanted to lose himself in the touch that had afforded him comfort at one time.

His eyes snapped open when a small sound from across the room reminded him they weren't alone. His eyes found Buffy's as he brought his hands up and gently pushed Angel's chest to force some distance between them. The low possessive growl coming from his Sire immediately brought his attention back. He cocked his head to the side, and caressed the muscles beneath his hands as he said, "Angel, tell me more about this 'we'," he purred out praying that his eyes didn't betray his feelings.

Angel blinked at him uncomprehendingly for a moment, his eyes glazed over with lust. Rather than answering him, he pushed his body closer. He ground his erection into Spike's, reluctantly pulling a gasp from him. Spike closed his eyes, and silently shook his head no. He couldn't be sure whether it was in denial of his own feelings, or an objection to the distraction. Regardless, he dropped his hands down to Angel's hips to stop the gentle rocking movements.

Spike took a deep breath to gather his resolve. He brought one of his hands up to grasp Angel's chin in a hard grip. He barked out his name to get his attention, "Angel!"

Angel's eyes finally cleared a bit and focused on him. Spike lowered his head a bit to look up at him through lowered lashes. He then dipped his head down further to lick and nip at Angel's ear. He hoped to all that was unholy that his Sire wouldn't notice how fast he was unraveling.

"Angel," he whispered softly against his lover's ear, "I need you to tell me why Buffy is here with you." He nipped at the lobe, then sucked it in his mouth to sooth it, eliciting a small moan of pleasure from its owner. He moved his mouth down below the ear, and feathered small wet kisses down the side of his neck. Once he got to the shoulder, he sucked hard at the skin beneath his mouth.

He couldn't control his reaction. His face shifted into its demonic ridges, and he lightly scraped his fangs across his Sire's shoulder. His chest rumbled with a low growl as he lapped up the small trickles of blood that formed along the scratches. 

The truth was in the blood.

He glanced up as he once again heard soft shuffling coming from just behind Angel. Buffy had managed to pad softly enough across the room that neither of them noticed her approach. Still tasting the bitter lies in his mouth, he looked upon her. His eyes glittered with malevolence as he bared his fangs to her and hissed out a warning.

She abruptly stopped immediately stepped back from the look in his eyes. Her eyes filled with tears, as she no doubt realized to what extent she had affected him. She took a breath as if to speak, but changed her mind and shut her mouth shut with a snap as he hissed at her again. She looked down at the floor and remained silent.

The exchange brought Angel back to reality as he cupped Spike's cheek and said, "Spike, stop." He had said it only loud enough for him to hear. Spike shifted back into his human guise as he looked askance at his lover.

Angel lowered his eyes as he whispered, "Please, don't take it out on her. I asked her to be here." 

Spike shook his head in denial as he asked in the barest of whispers, "Why? Why did you have to bring her here on this of all days?"

Angel looked up at him with pleading eyes as he started speaking in a soft and almost desperate voice, "This was for us. Don't you understand? I thought…" He stopped and searched Spike's eyes for before dropping his eyes to the floor. He sighed and spoke to the floor, "I thought this would be what you wanted."

Spike softened at this, almost willing to believe this was all for him. Yet, he still couldn't understand how this would have been good for them. What had Angel really been thinking? He brought his hand up and caressed his lover's cheek in return as he softly asked, "Why would you think I wanted anyone but you?"

Angel looked back up at him as he answered, "She told me she wants me back." Spike's eyebrows knitted in confusion, not quite understanding what Angel was trying to tell him. Upon seeing he wasn't getting through to him, Angel huffed as he tried again, "Don't you see? It's perfect for all of us! You two have a history too, don't you? We could finally be together!"

Spike froze at that, his body flushing with apprehension. He wasn't entirely sure… no. No, he was sure. Angel only wanted his golden girl back. This wasn't about him at all. It never was. He shook his head in disbelief. His Sire could be such a dumb fuck sometimes.

In a flash, he threw both his fists into his Sire's chest. Angel flew back across the room and crashed into the far wall. Before Buffy could react, he lashed out with a roundhouse kick to the side of her head, hitting her temple at full force. She instantly crumpled to the floor unconscious.

With that, Spike spun on his heel and headed out of the room. Just before he crossed over the threshold, he stopped and looked back at his still stunned Sire slumped against the far wall. He called out softly, "Goodbye, Angelus." He turned back around and walked out the door, out of his Sire's life for the last time.

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Spike didn't dare stop until he was safely outside the hotel. Just as he passed through the exit doors, he stumbled and fell to his knees. It took all his strength to stave off the tears he knew would eventually come.

He drew in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. He pressed his hands to his knees, trying ineffectively to stop the trembling in his hands. After a moment, he reached to the inside left pocket of his jacket and pulled out the cell phone Xander had given him earlier in the year. He worked on autopilot as he dialed the number and waited for an answer.

Xander answered on the first ring, and immediately started in with the questions, "Spike? Spike, did something go wrong? D'you need me to pick you up?" Spike was silent for a moment as he relished the sweet voice of his friend on the other end of the line. His throat constricted, and a soft sob escaped from his lips.

He coughed, and then whispered just loud enough for Xander to hear, "Xan... come get me. _Please_." It seemed that the last of his strength was gone, and the phone dropped to the ground.

By the time Xander arrived, Spike had managed to crawl so his back was against the outside wall. He sat just to the side of the hotel doors, huddling there with his knees curled up to his chest. He still had yet to cry, refusing to allow himself that release until he knew he was safe.

He heard his name called, and looked up into the whiskey brown eyes of his friend. He felt the tears well up again. Before the first tear had even made it half way down his cheek, he found himself surrounded in a warm embrace. He rested his head on the offered shoulder and let the dam of tears finally break.


	3. Chapter 2

Notes: It's been so long since I've written anything with this one

Notes: It's been so long since I've written anything with this one. My muse took took a holiday and took some time to return. However, I'd started a second and third chapter of this and just forgot to post it. As a gift to those who've had reminders set for this, here is what I had written in this verse. I've got a bit more work to do on the second part of this section (in Spike's POV again) before I post it. Enjoy!

P.S.: My computer crashed some time back. I'm working on recovering the chapters I'd already had written. Some of it, though not gone forever, is somewhere I'm not able to retrieve it from at the moment with my current resources. I'm trying to re-write it. For the moment however, I've gone through and edited the last two chapters to take out any glaring errors. Hopefully, I'll have some new material for you in the next couple weeks.

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**Chapter Two**  
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Xander's POV_

Xander pulled Spike into his lap and rocked him gently. He ran his hand through the gelled locks, soothing himself just as much as his friend. He needed to calm himself before he did something stupid like going inside and ripping off Deadboy's head. And wasn't that a lovely thought? He fought off a grin as he glanced down when Spike curled himself around Xander.

He effortlessly picked up the now quiet vampire and carried him to his car. After getting him settled in the passenger seat with a blanket he'd retrieved from the back seat, he walked around to the driver's side deep in thought. He rejected the idea of going back to the hotel. Considering what happened tonight he really just wanted to go home. He'd never actually unpacked his things anyway. It'd be just as easy to just pick up their things and go home. With a final glance over at the now sleeping vampire bundled up in the passenger seat, he made a final decision. They needed to just get as far away from this place as possible.

The drive back to Sunnydale proved to be very quiet. Spike slept the whole way, which was just as well considering the thoughts muddling through Xander's head. He couldn't quite shake the image of his broken-hearted friend crying on the doorstep of his lover's home. There wasn't any doubt in his mind that Angel had betrayed Spike in some way… just as he knew he would. He would pay for hurting his vampire, just as soon as he got the details out of Spike.

His mind turned back to a night just a few weeks back. He had been fighting with Spike over Angel… again. It was an ongoing battle with them, but that night in particular he couldn't help but push. Spike had shuffled into the apartment quietly. He hadn't stalked through like he usually would have. He hadn't smirked to Xander in greeting. Hell, he had even refused to make eye contact with Xander as he brushed passed him on his way into the kitchen. He knew Spike and Angel hadn't been getting along during the previous week, but that night it just seemed worse. Something had changed.

He hadn't been able stand to see Spike like this. He stood up from his place on the couch, intent on offering what little comfort he could, but stopped knowing Spike would have used it as an excuse to vent his frustrations. With only a brief hesitation, he finally gave into his first instinct and made his way towards Spike in the kitchen. He paused at the threshold of the kitchen entry to lean against the door jam. He had watched silently as Spike methodically prepared his usual dinner. He looked down at feet before quietly asking, "How'd it go with Dea… err, Angel tonight?"

His question was met with silence. He looked up to see the vampire reaching into the cupboard over the microwave to pull down the jar of burba weed to spice his blood with. When he didn't get an answer right off, Xander backed out the door and rounded the corner to take a seat on a stool at the breakfast bar. He silently watched Spike across the counter as he slowly sipped his dinner. He glanced up only briefly between sips and answered in an emotionless voice, "Fine."

Xander raised an eyebrow at the answer, but let it go for the moment. He watched as Spike's eyes glazed over a bit as he finished eating, his stare reaching a spot somewhere beyond Xander's left shoulder. It would seem his roommate had picked up some nasty habits from brood boy. He shook his head as he thought to himself, _This is going to be a long night_.

Xander sighed needlessly and stood up to make his way around the counter to lean next to Spike against the stove. He looked across the room at the refrigerator as he asked softly, "What did Angel do this time?" 

He jumped as Spike's mug shattered against the far wall. He glanced back at the mess on the wall over the couch before returning his look to the furious vampire intently staring at him. Spike closed his eyes and clenched his teeth and hissed out, "Don't."

He wrapped his arms around himself and let out a shaky breath as he opened his eyes. He asked in a whisper-soft voice, "Could we not do this right now, Xan?"

Xander's lips thinned before he shook his head and answered, "You can't keep hiding from this, Spike." He scrubbed his hands over his face. God, he was so tired. He turned to look pleadingly at Spike as he said, "It hurts to see you like this. Talk to me, _please_. What happened tonight with Angel?"

A sustained horn honking as it passed him brought him out of his memories. A wave of fresh anger coursed through him: it always came back to Angel. He looked down at his white knuckles. He had gripped the steering wheel so hard that it creaked under the pressure. He would find a way to get back at the bastard. He _hated_ him. He always had. After all he had put the gang through over the years... He knew he should never let Spike near him.

That thought had him loosening his grip on the wheel. What could he have done different? He desperately searched his memories, but came up at a loss. He honestly knew he couldn't have done a damn thing. Once Spike had made up his mind to act, there was no stopping him. Chaining him to the bed was always an option. 

Xander smiled as visions of his vampire chained down spread-eagle on the bed flit through his head. He shook his head to dispel the thoughts wondering, _Where the hell had that come from?_ He shrugged and put it to the back of his mind. He needed to concentrate on his driving if the drivers cursing at him as they drove by were any indication. He would need to get them home safely if he ever wished to get a chance at dealing with Angel.

Two hours flew by for Xander with thoughts of vengeance running in circles through his head. Silence will do that to a man. He finally pulled his car into the assigned covered space in the parking lot of his apartment complex, and shut off the engine. He was starting to get weary after such a long night. He dropped his head to the steering wheel and let out a deep sigh. They would both need to get some sleep. He had a feeling his days were only going to get worse, at least for the time being.


End file.
